I woke up today feeling much better. I have a better understanding of what brought me to such a bad place. Yesterday was the culmination of 2 weeks of a bit of depression coming together with a really bad afternoon that ended with a chaotic night.
My childhood was one filled with a lot of rejection and a ton of negative thoughts about myself. I gave my life to the Lord at age 15 and I can say that He changed my life. Very slowly all those negative thoughts began to be replaced by positive ones. Very slowly the rejection I felt started to come at me less and less. The person I am now is so incredibly different then the person I was then. Yes, I still look similar and have the same personality. But, the inside has changed. The way I feel about myself and the way I see the world around me is different in a great way. Unfortunately though, every once in a while, those feelings come back and creep up on me. A few weeks back, I became overwhelmed with so much doubt. Little by little I began doubting my ability to nurture my children, to make a good meal, to clean a house, to grow a tomato plant.....just about everything. As the negativity began to fill my mind and heart, it also started seeping out of my mouth. I became a negative wife and mom.
The Bible has a lot to say about our mouths,
our lips, our tongues, for our speech betrays us.
What is down in the well will come up in the bucket
-Vance Havner
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers
-Ephesians 4:29
This continued for a few weeks until yesterday it became a perfect storm.
So last night, after my mini breakdown, I prayed, and read the Bible and The Power of a Woman's Words. I am sure you get why I read the 2nd one. :o)
I finally broke out of my slump.
It felt so good to be overwhelmed by peace instead of negativity. Gods word is powerful.
I came across that Family Circus comic last night. It really was so timely.
Being a mom is super hard, fun, exhausting, crazy, overwhelming, exciting, adventurous, and many more adjectives. On my best day it is a formable task to nurture my 5 wonderful kids 24/7. On my worst day it is a an insurmountable mountain.
I am thankful that I am not alone on this journey. I have family and friends who lift me up with encouraging words and understanding hearts, and a Lord who bears my burden so that I may be free.
A few quotes from The Power of a Woman's' Words
So live that your wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip
-Will Rogers
The reason a dog has so many friends is because he wags his tail instead of his tounge
-Author Unknown
The deepest rivers flow with the least sound
-Quintus Curtius Rufus